Here We Go Looby Loo

I write this week's episode from the sunny shores of the Mother Land, where I have done so many things that it feels like I have done nothing at all! More on that later. I'm still reeling from the hopscotching, musical chairing, pinning the blame on the donkey it took for us to get out of the country!

My diligent spouse, P, meticulously prices out and schedules travel plans. He takes miles from here, miles from there, miles from where the sun don't shine and then merges partner airlines and some other mumbo jumbo  and voila one of us has a free ticket, gets to hitch a ride in cargo, or flies plane-side with a gaggle of geese. 

He is rather brilliant at that (I'm hoping because we are in the motherland he will skip this episode and thus the compliment out of exhaustion). I don't know that I want to praise him in writing: ) Any old how, we got a really good deal getting over, but we also got into a fine mess.

P found us tickets out of Seattle instead of Vancouver. This meant we had to begin our journey a day earlier and P had to use all his powers of logic to fit the two of us, our four year old, Lanes, and her  car seat, five huge suitcases and multiple pieces of hand luggage into a tiny Korean car.

After much struggling and surprisingly no complaining, he got it all worked out. All we had to do was show up at my nutty sister's house, pass out and hop a plane. It's simple in theory, but alas my life is always anything but simple.

What does my sibling do? She goes and gets the stomach flu. Did I mention my sister and I are the biggest germophobes on the planet? In between throwing up she murmured that we should be fine if we came over. Well that's not what Google says! 

Even P, who is usually rather casual about these things, perhaps to balance me out, agreed with me.  With a fourteen hour flight, an eight hour layover and another four hour flight to catch, we decided it's probably best that we enjoy our slightly less than full fare economy seats in relative good physical if not mental health.

I was so stressed out that I could have jet propelled myself across the ocean without the help of a 747. The last minute change of plan was the last thing I needed but then I got the bright idea to ask my nutty sister's uncle-in-law, who we are very close to, if we may use the services of his couch just for the night.

Sadly, at the last minute, he was under the weather and my beloved should be nominated for sainthood for various reasons, brother-in-law went online and found us a hotel. With my impending cardiac arrest averted, we headed for Seattle in the pouring rain with everything but a frying pan and the charger for my cell phone.

There was no rest for the weary though because as we got to the hotel, we had to take custody of the luggage my parents' left behind. I had an inkling that when I saw what we had to take back, P and I might experience a bout of fainting spells Victorian style complete when back of hand to the forehead.

My sister and brother-in-law had to drive to us because one of them had to take custody of our car. When I went to the lobby of the hotel I saw a huge duffel bag that could fit a football team and me.  Plus a large random cardboard box and another small bag. 

I had a sinking feeling that that was the stuff we were supposed to add to our luggage. Sure enough, I looked up and saw my brother-in-law holding his head and looking sympathetically at me. He looked so worried about it that I stifled the huge display of dismay I had planned.

I looked behind him, and sure enough, staring out the safety of her car, was my saucer-eyed sister. When she is scared of something, her eyes get round and wide and almost pop out of her eyes, like an anime character, or like someone who just had their bottom pinched out of  no where.

She stared hard at us, and when she ascertained that no harm had come to her spouse (he was the human mine detector) she loosened up a bit although I did she her flinch a little when I approached her. She relaxed when I asked her if she was sure there was no livestock she wanted me to take back while she was at it. Perhaps a small goat or baby camel?

When I got to her car I realized she had chucked my nieces and her dog in the backseat as protection. She knows I won't go down on her like a pile of bricks in front of them. Cowardly, but well played, and I was momentarily distracted as a surge of affection went through me upon seeing them.

Any old how my brother-in-law was feeling extremely sorry for us. We were so exhausted and it was past 10pm. My sister had put the duffel bag around a suitcase because the zip was broken on it. We sent it back. The last thing us brown folks need is to get on a plane with something that looks like a large body bag.

We tried to distribute the weight evenly, but then P decided to minimize loss should the faulty suitcase give way and repacked. I kept chiming in saying he was going to make the other bags overweight. 

The response? A smug, ''I can tell exactly how much it weighs just by carrying it. The suitcases are fine. I don't know why you always have to worry so much." So guess what happens at the airport the next day?

Ha! I was right. Sadly, it was the one time I wanted to be wrong. Happily, there was a really nice porter who alerted us to this before we got to the head of the check in line and he took P to a side were there were three free weighing scales and between the two of them they figured it out, while I waited in line with Lanes, who picked that moment to decide she was exhausted and hungry.

Of course after we checked in, P found a padlock in his hand luggage and so one of the bags was on it's merry way without a lock--we only hoped it was not the one with the faulty zip. At that point though, we didn't care. The flight was overbooked and we just wanted ourselves up and away.

We got to the motherland safe and sound, even the rickety broken luggage. I was exhausted because Lanes stretched across us and slept and she kicks and talks in her sleep. My bum liver was pummeled by her feet. 

The last leg of the trip she was going on excitedly about how she is waiting to do all kinds of things with my aunt and uncle. They were waiting for her impatiently not knowing the long schedule of activities she has in store for them. I hope they are well rested.

It's been get up and go go go since we got here. We thought we were so organized and with it and brought our old sim cards only to find that they didn't work. After pillaging my dad's and aunt's things, P and I got two sim cards. 

The thing is we didn't know our own number or each other's numbers.  P had to go out of town and I had to sms friends to figure out what his number was. Sad state of affairs! With that I must sign off as I have to rush for a dental appointment! More musings and stories from the motherland next week...