Growed Up

So our six year old, Lanes, finally got her ears pierced! Of course with our family, that rite of passage had to be accompanied with drama. It also opened up our little world into a whole new host of firsts and I am about to traumatize our neighborhood by getting up on my roof with a fiddle and wailing 'Sunrise, Sunset' 'Fiddler on the Roof' style.  Where is that little girl I carried?

My diligent spouse, P, meticulous to a fault, painstakingly looked up everything that was ever written about ear piercings and he arrived at Lanes' appointment with his research, a print out of the store's policy on piercings, charts on aftercare and half a box of tissues in his pocket in case our little dumpling would cry from the pain.

Clearly, P has never been a little girl before. Who bursts out crying from piercing ears these days? While P fluttered around the store, jet propelled by his angst and anxiety, Lanes was seated in her chair with her game face on. She was on a mission, after patiently waiting months for this day, and she was not even going to blink until the hypoallergenic Hello Kitty studs were in her ears.

The lady who was doing the piercings was trying to give us instructions, but P was interjecting with addendums and reciting fine print. When she used a pen to show us where the earrings would go, P stepped back, deliberated and offered suggestions on proper centering of the spot. Luckily, that woman had a sense of humor and shared a quick wink with me about how anxious P was.

Meanwhile, a friend of mine who accompanied me and I were watching the entire thing with our mouths open. Lanes was staring ahead and I was afraid she was holding her breath in anticipation the entire time. Eventually, probably to keep him and the nervous energy he was radiating contained, P was asked to put Lanes on his lap.

Kiddo was a real trooper, but P was priceless. Anyone would have thought he was having a root canal done by a blindfolded dentist. His face was tilted up, his eyes were squinted and he seemed absolutely tortured.  After it was done, P probably needed a drink. Lanes was matter of fact and happy, especially since she got a lollypop to boot.

After laughing at P, it was suddenly my turn to feel a little ill.  With her ears pierced, it solidified the idea that she was no longer my baby and that she was now my little girl. It only highlighted the fact that her hair was longer, her cheeks were less chubby, and her front teeth were missing (we clearly underpaid the Tooth Fairy).

I trapezed besides her while she was skipping towards the car with joy, talking nonstop to my friend, all the while thinking I want to grab her and cuddle her nonstop. I realized then that I'm so going to be the mom that accidentally on purpose gets a job on her college campus her Freshman year.

To make it worse, the days of play dough and cartoons are gone, now replaced by teeny bopper sitcoms.  I never thought I'd miss hearing  'The Wheels on the Bus'.  Now she is singing along with Taylor Swift. I'm one step away from taking her to a Bieber concert, at which point I might have to take up  yoga or practice breathing exercises.

Lanes has also taken to answering our phone. So much for screening calls. She happily offers the most unflattering accounts of what her father and I are doing before putting each call through. The inspiration for all this was a little boy from her kindergarten class.

He called and left a message on the answering machine asking to speak with her and she was over the moon because apparently 'all the girls love him'. I called him up for her and they were going on rambling about their imaginary dogs for forty minutes! They would have yakked on had it not been for the intervention of that child’s grandmother, who needed to use the phone.

With all this growing up going on, when I was putting her to bed the other night we started talking about Grade I and reminicing about her kindergarten graduation, when she announced that she wants to be a mom when she grows up.

Always one to extract compliments by force, or engineer situations wherein praise would be thrown my way, I teased her and said, 'aw did you say that because you love mommy so much?'. I was hoping to get a big hug at this juncture, coupled with a Hallmark moment.

She looked at me in a matter of fact way and said, 'well, no, it's just because that's the best job there is'. Hmm. For someone who was relieved to finally be back in the workforce, I was really glad for the time that I stayed home with her. 

I felt really stupid for all the times when I tried to camouflage being a full time mom by saying I was a 'writer'. I guess this is where the saying 'out of the mouths of babes' comes from.  Leave it to Lanes to put things in perspective for me.

In other news, I am almost certain to part ways with my gall bladder.  P has been shoving apple juice down my throat so much that I feel like a goose being force fed in order to be turned to foie gras (which I am adamantly opposed to).  He read that the juice softens the stones--thank you internet (not).

Clearly, I am beyond this but every day he comes up with innovative unpalatable ideas. I'm still waiting to get an appointment with a surgeon because I'm at a point where I am waiting to kick the faulty organ out! 

Ever one to look on the bright side of life, I thought at least it's a good way to lose some weight.  Like when I had Lanes, I lost ten pounds in one day! Voila! My nutty sister quickly burst this bubble by announcing that the gall bladder probably weighed but a few ounces. If my scans are right though, I got some boulders in there, so I'm hoping at least I'll get three pounds off :) More musings from BC next week about my misadventures with appointments...