P doesn’t want me to divulge details on his latest adventure. I have always told him he needs to 'hang out with the guys' so here is his chance to do this and do some good for the community. I'm glad that for once, his idea of self improvement was social and not anything that had to do with paperwork, numbers, continuing education or anything nerdy of any sort.
As for me, my notion of enhancing my worth as a human probably involves me getting a massage rather than joining a club. My rationale is that if I'm relaxed and well rested, I'll be a nicer person. In theory. Somehow doing good deeds don't seem to work so well for me.
The other day, Lanes had a 'stomach ache' and stayed home. I had a pile up of laundry, and so I had to drag her along to the bowels of our crazy a$$ ghetto fabulous building. Who should be down there? The lady who keeps a stroller full of recycling in our corridor.
I exchanged pleasantries and we dashed upstairs. Sure enough, a few seconds later, I hear her trademark knock. I was exhausted, and the angel on my left said 'don't open the door'. The one on the right said 'open the door you fool, she's an old lady, what if she needs your help?'.
Turns out I should have gone with the one on the left. That angel, from now on will be known as common sense. After muttering to myself, I opened the door to find her holding out a stuffed koala bear.
Lanes, also known as my appendage, had materialized right behind me and before I knew it, she had taken the bait. The koala was in her hand, and the deal was sealed. Now I had to pay for that koala with a favor.
I tried to get the koala out of her hand and give it back to my neighbor, but Lanes, who despises labels with a passion, had de-tagged the toy and rendered it useless. And so I met my fate.
My neighbor had a letter in her hand and she wanted me to type it up and e-mail it, from my account, to her acquaintance. I could barely understand half the message, and I was dying to fix the grammar here and there and delete all the syntax signs the note was riddled in. The letter was in English, but I still have no idea what the message was about.
I was told to type the message as it was. Spending too many late nights watching SVU, CSI and what not, my overactive imagination was getting the best of me, and I took this benign letter to a whole new level. What if she was speaking in code? Why won't she get her own e-mail? Why did I open the door? Why didn't I just take Lanes to school and avoid all this?
Luckily, my e-mail was frozen for some reason. Unluckily, I knew she would never believe it and would fuss about my lack of cooperation. So I had the brilliant idea to open a new account with no ties to my identity.
I had to link that account to one I already had, so I connected it to one I used to use for work back in the day. For some reason, after I typed the message, it still wouldn't send. I wondered if an angel was watching over me (must be the one on the right side). I explained this to her for what it was worth and she passed the problem onto another neighbor.
She asked me to delete the e-mail, so I did one better and deleted the entire new account I created. Sadly for me, it erased everything on my old account as well (the one I linked it to). This was horrific, because I was going to go through that e-mail to see if I could scrounge up some references to put on the résumés I am supposed to work on.
So now I sit here, reference-less, work e-mail-less, and hopeless. I'm so upset about it, that I'm not upset about it. I have gone straight to numb, which is unusual for me because I always take a pit stop at self-pity and an extended vacation at crazy town, whenever I get myself into a situation.
Such desolation aside, my various failing body parts and I have remained enthused about P’s and Lanes’ inductions. P is off today to some secret location, for his initiation. Well, it’s not so much a secret. It’s more like he told me and as usual, I didn’t retain the information. Lanes and I weren’t invited any old how.
Lanes had her inaugural ceremony to the Guides last week and P and I were grinning and taking pictures while she took her oath. I think for her, she is all about the uniform and collecting badges and pins. As with most five year olds, I have no idea how long this will hold her fancy.
With that I must sign off soon. P was sitting around last night and suddenly squealed like a pig whose tail got stuck on a door. He rushed at me with a huge chuck of metal that looked like scrap from a Cold War era submarine. I took a step back because it almost looked radioactive. He said it was a filling that he had done back in the early ‘90s.
The thing was huge! He must have weighed less now that it was out of his body. It was a long night trying to find a dentist that was open at 9pm! Thank goodness for Google! Any old how, P, the gaping hole in his back teeth, and I celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary the next day.
Luckily, he was able to eat when we went out that night. Lanes, was ever so delighted, and is hoping that we will reenact the wedding for our 10th anniversary. She’s our little wedding planner. With that I must sign off because I promised to help her class do some painting activity today. Since we are having a No Water Thursday here in ghetto fab, what better time to be out of the house! More musings from BC next week…
No comments:
Post a Comment
What say you?